


Divide

by FeyWindwalker



Series: Songs in a Dreamscape [2]
Category: Beautiful Monsters Series - Jex Lane
Genre: M/M, Set After Broken, Songfic, Tarrick's Dream, Tarrick's Thoughts, dreamscape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:14:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24852166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeyWindwalker/pseuds/FeyWindwalker
Summary: Tarrick knew that Matthew loved him, the demigod had said as much when he thought they were going to die in the fighting pits, before that even, but pushing against him for so long had created a fissure that Tarrick wasn’t sure he could cross, not now that Devak was back and Matthew finally seemed whole for the first time in so long.  If Tarrick was honest, he didn’t understand how Matthew could still love him, after everything that he had done, but perhaps that was a testament to the strength of Matthew’s love.  Tarrick would never be able to bear his heart to Matthew, not in the waking world anyway, but perhaps admitting things to Matthew in his dreams could help him work towards closing the divide.(Set at some point after Broken)
Relationships: Matthew/Devak, Matthew/Tarrick
Series: Songs in a Dreamscape [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1512257
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Divide

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, finally got another fic posted to this collection, it's been far longer than I had planned, but that's what happens when you keep adding and taking things in directions you hadn't planned. I really wanted to dig into some of Tarrick's potential inner turmoil with this one, so it's more focused on his perspective than anything. At the current point in the BeMo series, I think that Tarrick has a lot to make up for, but I'm a personal believer that Tarrick and Devak both have roles to play in Matthew's life, so most of my fics are going to reflect that.
> 
> This fic draws inspiration from the song Divide by Bastille.

Tarrick knew that there was something amiss as soon as he opened his eyes, his dreamscape spreading out around him in an uncomfortable yet familiar scene. Uncomfortable because he knew he wasn’t likely to return to this place or time of his life, but familiar because it was a sight he had gotten used to in the first year of Matthew’s capture. The incubus had woken standing in the middle of his rooms at the Ashwood estate, wearing clothing that was much more casual than his usual attire and feeling better than he had in ages. At first he had thought that he was alone, but slight movement from under the covers caught his attention, the body under the sheets different from the one his memory should have supplied to fit the moment. The Matthew in the bed wasn’t the same man that Tarrick had kept as a pet and prisoner in Ashwood, this was the most recent version of Matthew, the one that was slowly regaining his strength after spending so long being tortured and abused. This was the version of Matthew that Tarrick had risked his life for, though it was also the version that Tarrick had allowed to rot in a cell for months, starving and alone.

The emotions swirling around in Tarrick’s chest were difficult to pull apart, sadness, shame, joy, possessiveness, and perhaps even love, though that seemed to be buried under layers of logic and reason. He couldn’t love Matthew, he didn’t have any right to after all of the things he had put the incubus prince through, especially not now, when there was a civil war looming and they were still outnumbered against the High King. Tarrick knew that better than anyone, but he couldn’t deny the warmth that seemed to well up inside of him at the sight of Matthew. The other man slowly sitting up in bed and looking around the room, a soft smile coming to his face when his eyes finally fell on Tarrick. This entire dream was a wild self indulgence, Tarrick knew that and he knew that he should be able to just walk away, but for some reason his feet felt planted to the floor. His usual mask slowly falling away as he thought of all the ways he had destroyed whatever he and Matthew might have been able to have.

“What are you doing up Tarrick? I didn’t think you had any meetings until later tonight.” The dream Matthew spoke, his hand moving to the side of the bed that was obviously Tarrick’s, checking to see if it was still warm. “Come back to bed. I know that you don’t require as much sleep as a human does, but that doesn’t mean you should be denying your body something that it needs.”

“I had something on my mind… I just wanted to check on it.” Tarrick felt at a loss for words, licking his lips uncertainly as he took a few steps closer to the bed. “I didn’t expect you to wake so soon. The sun’s barely set.”

“You must have been very lost in thought. The sun’s been set for at least a half an hour now. I was giving you some time to finish whatever it is you were working on, but I couldn’t keep pretending to sleep. Come back to bed, Love.” Matthew’s voice was softer than Tarrick ever remembered it being, his lips turned up in a gentle smile that Tarrick recognized.

It was a smile that Matthew seemed to reserve for the people that he loved, one that Tarrick had only seen a handful of times. Usually Matthew only smiled like that when he was around Samantha, or Devak, sometimes Tarrick had seen it when he was talking about Lilly, but it had only been directed at him twice. The first time was just before Tarrick had crushed Matthew’s heart, when Tarrick had seen the growing affection and had decided to destroy it before it could bloom into something more. The second time was more recent, when Tarrick was helping Matthew with the ghouling, trying to keep him from falling into the pit of despair and alive for long enough to go up against the High King. Tarrick had seen and felt the affection growing again, but he knew that part of the reason Matthew was clinging to him was to fill the void that Devak had left with his death. There had been a small glimmer of hope for something more for a single moment, but it was dashed the moment that Tarrick had heard Matthew speaking with Devak in his sleep. Tarrick knew he couldn’t compete with the pleasure guardian, Devak had been a pillar of strength for the incubus prince, while Tarrick had allowed so many awful things to happen to Matthew, even taking part in some of those actions.

Devak had yet to prove himself a true ally in the fight against the High King, the pleasure guardian was steadfast in his protection of Matthew and Tarrick supposed that keeping their prince alive was the best way to accomplish their goal of changing the world, but there was something about the pleasure guardian, something about his past that set off warning bells in Tarrick’s mind. The feeling was unfounded so far, but Tarrick hadn’t really been allowed the time or the opportunity to dig deeper into Devak’s past and how he had come to serve as Matthew’s guardian. It didn’t help that he and Devak only had an unsteady truce, they were both interested in protecting Matthew, but how they went about that goal was very different. Devak was insistent on bringing Matthew into his full power, and Tarrick was determined to inspire Matthew to fight, not necessarily for the individuals he had come to love and care about along the way, but for their world as a whole. Keeping in mind the bigger picture was important, individual lives were so easily lost and Tarrick couldn’t have Matthew pausing to grieve until the war was over and things had settled.

Tarrick didn’t deserve Matthew in the waking world, that much was abundantly clear to the incubus, but perhaps he could be worthy of this dream version, if only for a moment.

“When did you start calling me that?” Tarrick asked, his own lips turning up into a smile as he allowed himself to fall into the dream. “I don’t mind it, but it sounds strange coming from your lips.” He would close the distance to the bed, standing at the edge and slowly taking Matthew’s face into his hands as he waited for a response.

The dream Matthew shrugged, turning his head a little to kiss the palm of Tarrick’s hand. “I don’t know. It just came out. Now will you come to bed, or am I going to have to force you?”

“I don’t think you could force me. You’ve seen how strong I am Matthew.” Tarrick found himself chuckling, leaning down and giving Matthew a kiss, one that was softer than any Tarrick had ever given the incubus prince. “I love you. You know that don’t you?” He knew that this was the only place where he was going to be able to say those words, the only place where he could possess Matthew the way he wanted to.

“Of course I know that Tarrick. You say it often enough. And you know that I love you.” Matthew smiled back, leaning up to give Tarrick another kiss before dragging the incubus into bed.

Rather than fulfilling what seemed to be the original intent of the dream, Tarrick pulled away once he was lying in bed, settling down and pulling Matthew to his chest, pressing light kisses to the crown of the prince’s head.

“Is it alright if I just hold you? I’ve got too much on my mind to think of feeding again.” His voice was soft, a little sad and uncertain as he settled an arm around Matthew’s waist, fingers pressing gently into the small of the prince’s back.

“Of course Tarrick…” Matthew seemed content to cuddle up in Tarrick’s arms, his body relaxed and comfortable in a way that made Tarrick’s heart ache. When was the last time he had seen Matthew so content? Had he ever actually witnessed it? Surely there had to have been at least one moment at Ashwood, back before Tarrick knew who and what Matthew was, before the civil war had started and everything had gotten so complicated. At Ashwood, Matthew had been special, a vampire incubus hybrid the likes of which no one had ever seen before, but now, he was practically unattainable. He was the Son of Ilertha, his goddess, and Tarrick knew that he would never be worthy, not after all of the things he had done and allowed to happen.

“Do you ever wonder why fate brought us together? Why, of all of the incubi in our world, I was the one to capture you and bring you into your understanding of the incubi?” Tarrick was simply voicing the questions that he had asked himself time and time again, wondering if their meeting had been fate, or part of some celestial design.

“I don’t think fate had anything to do with our meeting Tarrick… I don’t think that things played out the way that Ilertha wanted, but I do believe that she chose you, to be my mentor and guide and to keep me grounded. Without you I wouldn’t have seen the suffering and corruption that the High King has been causing and I wouldn’t be in a position to stop it. You found me first, not Devak, not the High King, and saw that I could be something more. You keep me focused on the problems at hand, keep me tethered to my mortality. I feel like that’s important, because what good is all of the power that I possess if I don’t have a cause to stand behind. I don’t think things fell into place the way Ilertha had planned, but I think that this is as close to what she wanted as we can manage right now.” Matthew’s voice was quiet, his eyes closed as he spoke, unaware that his words felt like a cooling balm on Tarrick’s skin. All of what Matthew said was true, beyond some of his speculations about Ilertha’s intentions, but Tarrick had to remind himself that just because the words came from Matthew’s lips didn’t mean that the prince felt the same way. This was Tarrick’s dream after all, and this dream version of Matthew was likely voicing the thoughts and ideas that Tarrick wanted to hear.

“I suppose that you’re right…” Tarrick let out a soft sigh, his hand moving up to run his thumb across Matthew’s cheek, the tenderness he was feeling reflected back in Matthew’s eyes as the prince opened them with a soft smile. “I can only imagine what would have happened if your incubus nature hadn’t been suppressed by your vampire side. I probably wouldn’t have been the one to take you in, we both know that you were my charge because no one wanted to babysit a vampire hybrid. There are far more prominent names that would have jumped at the opportunity to take you into their family. Perhaps the High King would have gotten to you first.”

Matthew frowned at that, shaking his head a little and taking a moment to think before answering, “I think Devak would have found me first. We would have found Samantha, removed his curse and he would have been the one to guide me to you. Things would have fallen into place in a different way, but you and I were always destined to meet, to bring about this moment of resistance. I can feel the truth of it in my soul.”

There was something about Matthew’s words, a certainty that made Tarrick wonder if perhaps there was something like a string of fate tying them all together, or perhaps the designs of a celestial being putting every piece into place. Either way, Tarrick couldn’t deny that he felt the same way, as if his relationship with Matthew, their bond, was something that would have happened, regardless of the obstacles life always tried to throw in their way.

“I wish things could have fallen into place that way. I would have done so many things differently. I can never take back the abuses I put you through, and I know that telling you how sorry I am will never be enough.” Tarrick’s voice was small as he spoke, kissing Matthew’s temple so he didn’t have to look the other man in the eye. Most of the toture and abuse that Matthew had been forced to suffer through had been either at Tarrick’s hand, or something that Tarrick had allowed to happen. At the time it had all felt necessary, to train the unruly hybrid, to maintain order in their world, to give Tarrick more time to plan and put the pieces into place, but looking back at all the pain and hurt, all of the emotional turmoil and physical abuse, Tarrick couldn’t justify his actions against a person he claimed to love.

“I know.” Matthew seemed to let out a deep breath, deflating a little as he shifted in Tarrick’s arms, pulling away. “I know that you’re sorry, and I’ve forgiven you. It doesn’t change the suffering I endured, but I need you, and I trust you. You’ve saved me at my lowest point and as much as I hate what was done to me, I know that there was only so much that you could do.” Matthew shifted to sit up on the edge of the bed, letting his arms fall in his lap and resting his head in his hands.

Tarrick hated the physical distance that Matthew had put between them, this was his dream, though part of him wondered if it was actually a nightmare, trying to remind him of all his failings and rub the fact that his relationship with Matthew was still a tangled, broken mess. He realized he couldn’t allow himself to spiral, there was too much at stake for him to lose sight of the bigger picture now, so he shifted to get out of bed, wishing the moment of peace could have lasted longer.

“We should probably get ready for the night… I’m sure there is something that needs my attention and you likely need to feed.” Tarrick couldn’t think of any other way to end the dream, or at least this part of it, so he stood and started walking towards the door, figuring that leaving the room would trigger some kind of change.

“Tarrick,” Matthew called before Tarrick could get all the way to the door, causing the incubus to turn around and look at him for another moment, “I love you.”

Matthew had said the words before, had felt them at his very core even after all of the pain and suffering that Tarrick had put him through, but this was the only place where he knew Tarrick would be open and willing enough to say them back, and he had to hear them one more time before Tarrick slipped out of the dream and left him to wander back into his own mind.

“I love you too Matthew.” The smile that Tarrick gave him was subtle and a little relieved, the words followed by a small head shake as Tarrick turned back to the door and allowed the dream to fall away behind him, though the last thing to disappear was Matthew, the prince clinging to the dream for just a moment more before returning to his own dreamscape, where he belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> This work in Un'Betad - All mistakes are my own.
> 
> If you enjoyed the fic, comments and kudos are always welcome.
> 
> I know the BeMo fanbase isn't huge here on AO3 but I appreciate the support!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
